Left 4 Dead 2 [review]

Who doesn't love a carnival? The intoxicating smell of cotton candy, the whirling lights and cacophonous sounds.......the flesh-eating zombies.

In keeping with its recent trend of revealing new maps and monsters at each of the year's gaming trade shows, Valve Software brought its co-op zombie shooter to the 2009 Penny Arcade Expo to show off the Dark Carnival map. You could wait in line for more than an hour to play the demo at the show, or you could read this preview instead. Smart choice.

Let's clear one thing up. This is not a carnival that any sane person would want to attend. What was once a serene scene of merriment and mirth has degenerated into a dangerous cesspool of rotting flesh and abject terror. The rides have ground to a halt, and military vehicles sit abandoned, their floodlights illuminating an eerie landscape of horror.

A cheap motel that looks like it would have been a sketchy place before the zombocalypse is now overrun with the undead. A stopped Ferris wheel now represents terror rather than fun. The world has gone to hell, and it's up to you and your three surviving companions to make it out of the Dark Carnival alive.

By now, you know the drill with Left 4 Dead 2. Valve's zombified co-op shooter sequel takes over where Left 4 Dead left off, adding new characters, different maps, and more weapons/items/zombies than ever before. In the Dark Carnival demo, Valve showed off a new special zombie called the Jockey, a terrifying little bastard who jumps onto your back and rides you around like a lame horse. Your only course of action is to move around with it, trying to stay on a safe path while waiting for your companions to knock the thing off. All the so-called "specials" in Left 4 Dead 2 are creepy, but the Jockey is especially so. It's so invasive, hopping onto you like a human-sized parasite. Kind of makes you want to beat it to re-death with a big piece of wood.

As any little leaguer knows, nothing cracks skulls quite as effectively as a baseball bat. And Valve has thoughtfully built a slugger into Left 4 Dead 2. The developer showed off the baseball bat (did I really just write that?) in L4D2 at PAX, so I gave it a few satisfying swings. And I'm happy to report that it pops heads in a seriously satisfying way. Get the hang of this hefty hunk of hardwood and you'll soon be batting 1000 against the horde.

The bat is a nice addition, but I still prefer the guitar, which also smashes noggins effectively but does so with a pleasing twang that sounds like The Who tuning up at Wembley. I also have to mention an unwelcome addition to Dark Carnival: the new "uncommon common" zombie clown. I hate clowns that are alive, and now I can confirm that I hate dead ones even more. As this creep moves around the map, he squeaks his oversized clown shoe, drawing the horde. He'll always show up at the most inopportune times (just like a real-life clown), making your life even more of a living hell than it already is. I highly recommend hitting him in the face with a melee weapon.